Introduction to VINCE
A Person
Contrary to the belief of some, VINCE is a real person. With the exception of having super human strength, unmatched beer chugging capabilities, and an unfathomable I.Q., he is just like you. VINCE (regrettably) breathes the air that you breathe, bleeds the same as you, and has feelings, just like you. OK, I lied about the feelings, but he did bleed once. VINCE sees everybody as equal, directly under him. VINCE is and always will be higher on the food chain than you. But don’t let that bother you, just accept it as fact. The importance of VINCE to the universe is very high, which is because everything revolves around him. Do not worry about the stability of the universe, VINCE is virtually indestructible. VINCE is the leader, the one, the man.
A Philosophy
“Let those who choose to live differently, live somewhere else.” A very sound and simple way of living which focuses mainly on video games, hippie hunting, and the prodigious consumption of beer. That which does not kill you can only make you stronger, so as long as beer doesn’t kill you, it will affect you the same way spinach affects Popeye. The VINCE philosophy has been successful since the dawn of time…Well, maybe not that long, but quite awhile. Those who follow the VINCE philosophy find themselves with less stress, better health(except maybe the liver, but who needs one of those?), and improved reflexes for dodging and attacking the zombies when they come.
The Power of VINCE
You can be touched by VINCE in many ways. It is different for everybody, depending on whether VINCE likes you or not. Regardless of how you are VINCE’d, being VINCE’d is the best thing that could happen in your life, for you will be changed forever. Upon being VINCE’d, decisions will be more fortunate for your future, mistakes will be minimized, and your hair will grow back. The power of VINCE is not a power to be taught, it is a power to be recognized. It is a power to be respected. It is a force not to be reckoned with. The power of VINCE will always benefit the people of VINCELAND; first VINCE, then everybody else, if he feels like it. The power of VINCE compels you.
The Anti-VINCE
The anti-VINCE is an evil. A patchouli wearing, Zima drinking, small dog owning, Miata driving, limp-wristed, vegetarian evil. He’ll smile on your face, while his pack of insignificant small dogs hump your leg. He will do anything to tempt you to step over to the dark side, whether it’s explicit pain, blackmail, or his personal favorite, loosening you up with a few Zimas. No matter how hard he tries, you cannot give in to the anti-VINCE. The pain will recede, the blackmails will never happen, and the Zima can be chased with an ice-cold Budweiser. The anti-VINCE has the power to take on many forms like hippie, shopping mall survey taker, Elvis impersonator, and many other atrocious forms of inexcusable filth. Don’t trust any of these when you see them, they can be very deceiving. Take the hippie disguise, for example. He seems pretty laid back, minds his own business, and just hacky-sacks all day. WRONG! That’s only on the outside. He’s really plotting your downfall! The second you stop to respond to his so-called “hello”, you will be pulled into a world where you can do nothing but sit in drum circles and protest loggers. If you are ever confronted by what you think is, or a disciple of, the anti-VINCE, call Dave. He’ll take care of everything.
So you can see VINCE has an incredible impact on everything in the universe. Without VINCE, the possibilities for irreversible imperfections are virtually endless. Picture it like this: you, a fan, and everything else is on one end of a see-saw, and VINCE and shit on the other. If you attempt to get rid of VINCE, all that’s left is shit, which will hit the fan only after it rolls downhill into you. So I mean it when I say it: don’t mess with VINCE or VINCE’s shit.
A Person
Contrary to the belief of some, VINCE is a real person. With the exception of having super human strength, unmatched beer chugging capabilities, and an unfathomable I.Q., he is just like you. VINCE (regrettably) breathes the air that you breathe, bleeds the same as you, and has feelings, just like you. OK, I lied about the feelings, but he did bleed once. VINCE sees everybody as equal, directly under him. VINCE is and always will be higher on the food chain than you. But don’t let that bother you, just accept it as fact. The importance of VINCE to the universe is very high, which is because everything revolves around him. Do not worry about the stability of the universe, VINCE is virtually indestructible. VINCE is the leader, the one, the man.
A Philosophy
“Let those who choose to live differently, live somewhere else.” A very sound and simple way of living which focuses mainly on video games, hippie hunting, and the prodigious consumption of beer. That which does not kill you can only make you stronger, so as long as beer doesn’t kill you, it will affect you the same way spinach affects Popeye. The VINCE philosophy has been successful since the dawn of time…Well, maybe not that long, but quite awhile. Those who follow the VINCE philosophy find themselves with less stress, better health(except maybe the liver, but who needs one of those?), and improved reflexes for dodging and attacking the zombies when they come.
The Power of VINCE
You can be touched by VINCE in many ways. It is different for everybody, depending on whether VINCE likes you or not. Regardless of how you are VINCE’d, being VINCE’d is the best thing that could happen in your life, for you will be changed forever. Upon being VINCE’d, decisions will be more fortunate for your future, mistakes will be minimized, and your hair will grow back. The power of VINCE is not a power to be taught, it is a power to be recognized. It is a power to be respected. It is a force not to be reckoned with. The power of VINCE will always benefit the people of VINCELAND; first VINCE, then everybody else, if he feels like it. The power of VINCE compels you.
The Anti-VINCE
The anti-VINCE is an evil. A patchouli wearing, Zima drinking, small dog owning, Miata driving, limp-wristed, vegetarian evil. He’ll smile on your face, while his pack of insignificant small dogs hump your leg. He will do anything to tempt you to step over to the dark side, whether it’s explicit pain, blackmail, or his personal favorite, loosening you up with a few Zimas. No matter how hard he tries, you cannot give in to the anti-VINCE. The pain will recede, the blackmails will never happen, and the Zima can be chased with an ice-cold Budweiser. The anti-VINCE has the power to take on many forms like hippie, shopping mall survey taker, Elvis impersonator, and many other atrocious forms of inexcusable filth. Don’t trust any of these when you see them, they can be very deceiving. Take the hippie disguise, for example. He seems pretty laid back, minds his own business, and just hacky-sacks all day. WRONG! That’s only on the outside. He’s really plotting your downfall! The second you stop to respond to his so-called “hello”, you will be pulled into a world where you can do nothing but sit in drum circles and protest loggers. If you are ever confronted by what you think is, or a disciple of, the anti-VINCE, call Dave. He’ll take care of everything.
So you can see VINCE has an incredible impact on everything in the universe. Without VINCE, the possibilities for irreversible imperfections are virtually endless. Picture it like this: you, a fan, and everything else is on one end of a see-saw, and VINCE and shit on the other. If you attempt to get rid of VINCE, all that’s left is shit, which will hit the fan only after it rolls downhill into you. So I mean it when I say it: don’t mess with VINCE or VINCE’s shit.
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Portland
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