Interview with the VINCE
By: The Guy
Guy: Hey, how’s it goin’?
VINCE: Good.
Guy: So, what’s it like in a day in the life of VINCE?
VINCE: Cool.
Guy: I guess what I mean is what do you do?
VINCE: Stuff.
Guy: Wow. Full of info.
VINCE: Yup.
Guy: OK, let’s move on. About VINCELAND. How might one go about getting in?
VINCE: The door.
Guy: So there’s no pre-requisites for access to VINCELAND?
VINCE: Not really.
Guy: What kind of things are required in order to be a resident?
VINCE: You need beer.
Guy: That’s it?
VINCE: And hot chicks.
Guy: Anything else?
VINCE: Maybe some video games.
Guy: What kind of games?
VINCE: Good ones.
Guy: Oh. So VINCELAND sounds like a pretty laid back place, but if all you do is drink beer, do hot chicks, and play video games all day, how does your economy stay stable?
VINCE: With money.
Guy: Where does the money come from?
VINCE: The bank.
Guy: OK, so you have investors and accountants taking care of your income?
VINCE: OK.
Guy: Rumor has it that you are the supreme ruler of all things in VINCELAND. Is that true?
VINCE: Hey, dumbass, what’s the name of the place you are talking about? VINCELAND. VINCELAND. Dumbass. On a scale of 1 to stupid, you definitely score a stupid.
Guy: Wow, I must have hit a nerve, there. Sorry.
VINCE: Blow me.
Guy: Can we just move on? You are also a tank enthusiast. What kind of tanks do you own?
VINCE: The kind that blows up dumbass journalists that ask stupid questions with obvious answers.
Guy: Is that a threat? Are you threatening me?
VINCE: Maybe. Do you consider yourself a dumbass journalist who asks stupid questions with obvious answers?
Guy: I wouldn’t say that.
VINCE: I probably would. Dumbass.
Guy: OK, I apologize for asking you that question earlier. How about this one: What is the best thing about being VINCE?
VINCE: The fact that I’m not you. Dumbass.
Guy: There’s got to be something good about being VINCE. Come on, name one.
VINCE: I’m serious. Do you think it’s easy dealing with dumbasses like you all day?
There are a lot of good things about being VINCE, but the best thing is definitely not being anyone else, because almost everyone else sucks. If I were anybody else, I would probably off myself.
Guy: So you wouldn’t consider yourself a people person?
VINCE: Right now, I am concentrating on making your face melt like ice cream on a hot summer day.
Guy: It doesn’t seem to be working (small chuckle).
VINCE: Give it time.
Guy: There’s an incident that involves you which is engulfed in controversy; what do you have to say about the fire at the patchouli factory back in the fall of ’97?
VINCE: If I had anything to do with starting that fire, I would have admitted it by now. All I did was try to help put it out. I thought it was a water supply. No one told me it was gasoline. You act like you are a fan of patchouli. What kind of sick person are you? Who do you really work for? Are you a hippie?
Guy: These accusations you are throwing at me, are they just a diversion for the truth?
VINCE: Don’t answer a question with a question. Only I can do that. I am VINCE. You are a hippie.
Guy: I am not a hippie!
VINCE: Then explain the dreadlocks.
Guy: That was a bet I lost! You couldn’t possibly think-
VINCE: Shut up. Hippie.
Guy: Quit calling me a hippie!
VINCE: What, does it make you angry? HIPPIE! HIPPIE! HIPPIE!
Guy: I am not a-
VINCE: A what, a hippie? The first step is to admit you are a hippie, the next is to bash yourself with a hammer.
Guy: What? This is supposed to be an interview! Who do you think-
VINCE: Oh, look what I have here, a hammer. Wanna check it out?
Guy: I am not going to bash myself with a hammer. Is it getting hot in here?
VINCE: No. Hmmm….Your face seems to be melting. You should get that checked out.
By: The Guy
Guy: Hey, how’s it goin’?
VINCE: Good.
Guy: So, what’s it like in a day in the life of VINCE?
VINCE: Cool.
Guy: I guess what I mean is what do you do?
VINCE: Stuff.
Guy: Wow. Full of info.
VINCE: Yup.
Guy: OK, let’s move on. About VINCELAND. How might one go about getting in?
VINCE: The door.
Guy: So there’s no pre-requisites for access to VINCELAND?
VINCE: Not really.
Guy: What kind of things are required in order to be a resident?
VINCE: You need beer.
Guy: That’s it?
VINCE: And hot chicks.
Guy: Anything else?
VINCE: Maybe some video games.
Guy: What kind of games?
VINCE: Good ones.
Guy: Oh. So VINCELAND sounds like a pretty laid back place, but if all you do is drink beer, do hot chicks, and play video games all day, how does your economy stay stable?
VINCE: With money.
Guy: Where does the money come from?
VINCE: The bank.
Guy: OK, so you have investors and accountants taking care of your income?
VINCE: OK.
Guy: Rumor has it that you are the supreme ruler of all things in VINCELAND. Is that true?
VINCE: Hey, dumbass, what’s the name of the place you are talking about? VINCELAND. VINCELAND. Dumbass. On a scale of 1 to stupid, you definitely score a stupid.
Guy: Wow, I must have hit a nerve, there. Sorry.
VINCE: Blow me.
Guy: Can we just move on? You are also a tank enthusiast. What kind of tanks do you own?
VINCE: The kind that blows up dumbass journalists that ask stupid questions with obvious answers.
Guy: Is that a threat? Are you threatening me?
VINCE: Maybe. Do you consider yourself a dumbass journalist who asks stupid questions with obvious answers?
Guy: I wouldn’t say that.
VINCE: I probably would. Dumbass.
Guy: OK, I apologize for asking you that question earlier. How about this one: What is the best thing about being VINCE?
VINCE: The fact that I’m not you. Dumbass.
Guy: There’s got to be something good about being VINCE. Come on, name one.
VINCE: I’m serious. Do you think it’s easy dealing with dumbasses like you all day?
There are a lot of good things about being VINCE, but the best thing is definitely not being anyone else, because almost everyone else sucks. If I were anybody else, I would probably off myself.
Guy: So you wouldn’t consider yourself a people person?
VINCE: Right now, I am concentrating on making your face melt like ice cream on a hot summer day.
Guy: It doesn’t seem to be working (small chuckle).
VINCE: Give it time.
Guy: There’s an incident that involves you which is engulfed in controversy; what do you have to say about the fire at the patchouli factory back in the fall of ’97?
VINCE: If I had anything to do with starting that fire, I would have admitted it by now. All I did was try to help put it out. I thought it was a water supply. No one told me it was gasoline. You act like you are a fan of patchouli. What kind of sick person are you? Who do you really work for? Are you a hippie?
Guy: These accusations you are throwing at me, are they just a diversion for the truth?
VINCE: Don’t answer a question with a question. Only I can do that. I am VINCE. You are a hippie.
Guy: I am not a hippie!
VINCE: Then explain the dreadlocks.
Guy: That was a bet I lost! You couldn’t possibly think-
VINCE: Shut up. Hippie.
Guy: Quit calling me a hippie!
VINCE: What, does it make you angry? HIPPIE! HIPPIE! HIPPIE!
Guy: I am not a-
VINCE: A what, a hippie? The first step is to admit you are a hippie, the next is to bash yourself with a hammer.
Guy: What? This is supposed to be an interview! Who do you think-
VINCE: Oh, look what I have here, a hammer. Wanna check it out?
Guy: I am not going to bash myself with a hammer. Is it getting hot in here?
VINCE: No. Hmmm….Your face seems to be melting. You should get that checked out.
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Portland
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